Current Standings

LG  154 (2nd Overall, 1 point behind the leader)

BabySteps  152

Picklez  150

Well, it looks like I'm the big loser.  I'm not sure if the picks will keep going forward in the post season.  I'll keep posting until the Super Bowl.  I've kept my goal so far which is not to fall below 50% in one week...so far.  Anyway, one final week of picks.  WTF happened last weekend?  It was weird.  I didn't watch a single game so I'm guessing people either stepped up or screwed up.

Week Seventeen Picks

STL @ ATL - A no brainer here.  ATL has already clinched a playoff spot, but I'm hoping they don't phone it in.  It's a home game after all and it's better to go out on a win than a loss right before playoffs.  They are playing Suck Louis whose 1st string isn't half as good as ATL's 2nd string.  Picklez Pick:  ATL  Added bonus:  I might actually try to go to this game.  Maybe.

NE @ BUF - NE needs this win to stay in 1st place.  The thing is that MIA and NYJ have to tie for them to win the division.  Can you tie in the NFL?  As far as BUF's once hopeful season and then downward slide goes, I blame the guy who directed Buffalo '66.  "Spanning time.  We love each other, but we don't touch each other."  Picklez Pick:  BUF

KC @ CIN - Wow!  A showdown for the ages.  Cincinasty and Kansas Shitty.  Do I really have to make a choice?  Picklez Pick:  CIN 

DET @ GB - This is tougher than it looks.  GB's season is mathematically over.  DET does NOT want to be 0-16.  Will GB remove its starters and be merciful (as well as give some of their rookies playtime) or will they be total bastards and destroy DET because it's a home game.  I'm naming this game the "Cobra Kai" Bowl.  Get it?  No mercy!  LOL.  Picklez Pick:  GB

TEN @ IND - TEN has clinched homefield advantage.  They will not be using starters.  IND will also be phoning it in.  IND is at home though.  Picklez Pick:  IND

NYG @ MIN - MIN screwed me last week and since NYG have clinched homefield advantage, I'm thinking they are pulling their starters.  Picklez Pick:  MIN

CAR @ NO - CAR has clinched and NO spirit is somewhat broken.  Picklez Pick:  CAR

CLE @ PIT - PIT has clinched and CLE spirit is beyond broken.  Picklez Pick:  PIT

OAK @ TB - I think TB is still in the running for a Wild Card spot.  OAK sucks.  Not as hard as DET, but they still suck.  Picklez Pick:  TB

CHI @ HOU - CHI is still fighting for a playoff spot.  HOU is out to get the franchise's first non-losing season since they became re-named.  Picklez Pick:  CHI 

MIA @ NYJ - This is my upset for the week.  MIA had a disasterous season last year and they want to go from "worst to first".  As much as I might like Brett Favre, I don't think they will win.  Especially after losing to the Suckhawks.  They only scored 3 lousy points!  Picklez Pick:  MIA

DAL @ PHI - DAL definitely wants it more.  PHI may want to stick it to them though.  Picklez Pick:  DAL

SEA @ ARI - Will ARI phone it in and pull their starters?  I hope not.  Picklez Pick:  SEA

WAS @ SF - This is a tough one to call for me.  Both teams are mathematically eliminated.  I'll go for the more racially insensitive mascot any day.  Picklez Pick:  WAS

JAC @ BAL - Is BAL still in contention for a playoff spot?  It's so confusing.  Regardless, a win here can't hurt.  Picklez Pick:  BAL

DEN @ SD - This is quite possibly the biggest game of the week.  Two unbelievably mediocre teams battle it out to decide who is mediocre-er.  Suck Diego is at home.  Picklez Pick:  SD

MAKING FOOTBALL PICKS IS EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTING.

This past Wednesday I had to go to our remote location in the N. Fulton area.  I got done with my assigned task a little earlier than I had anticipated so I went to the mall to get supplies for testing and what not.  I went to the Food Court for lunch and then spent a few hours just kind of walking around.  Here is what I observed.

Hairstyles

Apparently the "mohawk" is back in a big way.  I saw no less than 7 people with them and only one of them was wearing a "Hot Topic" branded Sex Pistols Anarchy t-shirt.  Two people at the Apple Store had them.  I find it a little odd and disconcerting to see that hairstyle again.  To me, if you get that type of haircut you are saying one of the following things:  a)  You are an "extreme" sports athlete.  b)  You are a punk rocker who inadvertantly caused a rift in the time/space continuum while trying to get your amplifier to the mythical "11".  c)  You are a snot nosed punk kid.  d)  You are a descendent of a Native American Algonquin tribe that settled much of the Hudson River Valley south of the Mohawk river. 

Honestly, I kind of think you're an idiot if you fall into category a or c.  If you fall into category, b then I will do my best to help you get back to your own time.  If you are in category d then I have empathy for you.  "White man.  Come across great eastern water.  Steal land, hairstyles, and proper grammatical syntax."

All the beautiful babies

There are a lot of good looking women at the mall.  A lot.

Do people even work?

I know it's the holidays and a lot of folk are on vacation or out of school, but there were a hell of a lot of people there for a Wednesday afternoon.

THAT IS ALL

It's less than two weeks out from Christmas, and I'm feeling far from "Merry".  This is the first time in a number of years that I've felt completely "Bah, Humbug!"  I think it's a combination of things that are getting me down.

Personal Issues

Those of you who have access to the "SP" posts know of what I speak.  Without going into too much detail, I'm suffering relationship worries on all fronts.  Personal, professional, and uhh, I guess those two fronts really.  Work has been a bear because I'm now involved with new PC deployment on top of Help Desk duties and all the other crazy stuff I do.

Karate has been a little stressful as of late because of the rank testing, but I'm thinking that 2 weeks off from class will cure what ails me there.  In my personal life, I'm going through a lot of changes.  Not the "boy becoming a man changes".  I already have hair in those areas, it's just turning grey now.  No, I'm going through a much more stressful ordeal.  I'll announce it publicly when the time is right.  And, no, I'm not gay.  Jeez!  You people...

Financial Issues

I know.  Cry you a river.  Everyone is having that right now.  Well, some of these issues are because of the previously mentioned issues and if I told you about it right now your head might explode.

Rebelling against conformity

This is the time of year when everyone tells you to put on a smile and have a song in your heart.  I don't feel like it.  It just so happens that I'm having a rough time this year and everyone labelling me a "Scrooge" or a "Grinch" (TM) is doing nothing but piss me off even more.  Deep down, I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I appreciate those things, but I'll be damned if I'm going to have the Consumer Culture of this country tell me to "Cowboy up and pony on down the road."  Especially, since the motto of the day is "no one is responsible for anything bad, but everyone gets credit for whatever is good."  Frak that noize!  I'm so adamant about this I spelled noise with a "z" 'cause I'm street like that!

I've got numb times a comin'

This isn't going to sound good, so I'll admit that it probably isn't good.  My holiday plans involve me spending most of my time hammered.  I'm going to the licquor store tonight to stock up and prepare for a 5 day bender.  Don't worry, I won't be driving anywhere whilst intoxicated, but I can assure you that I will NOT be drinking responsibly.  I'm not planning on taking a trip to pukey town, but I am going to have a bucket handy.

I know that this is probably my first steps to becoming an alchoholic, but I really don't care anymore.  I've run the straight and narrow for quite a while now.  I think it's time for me to branch out and do what's wrong for a change. 

END OF LINE

Current Standings

LG  147 (2nd overall, 1 point behind the leader)

Picklez 142

BabySteps  142

What can I say?  Another craptacular week.  Let me just say this, I lost some games I should have won and vice versa because the system didn't actually register my picks correctly.  I changed some of them and the changes didn't show up.  I also think it's BS how you can't change you pick at least an hour before kick off.  Whatever.

Week Sixteen Picks

IND @ JAC - The season is over for JAC.  Not so much for IND.  They need a win to help cement a Wild Card spot.  Plus, who can deny the power of Manning!?  As Eli relaxes to prepare for the playoffs, Peyton will get the majority of the precious Manning! particles.  Picklez Pick:  IND

BAL @ DAL - Who wants it more?  Both teams need a win to try and stay in the playoff hunt.  This is my upset game of the week.  Picklez Pick:  BAL

CIN @ CLE - This is going to be a suckfest, but I hope it ends with a win for CLE.  Goooooooo Browns!  Picklez Pick:  CLE

NO @ DET  - NO is playing for pride.  I'm sure they want to go out with at least a 8-8 season.  DET is playing for ummm... Well, let's just say that DET is contractually obligated to show up.  Picklez Pick:  NO

PIT @ TEN - This is a really tough game to pick.  In a lot of ways it could be a preview of the AFC championship game.  Since both teams have clinched their divisions, I'm not sure either of them will really push themselves.  This one could really go either way.  Picklez Pick:  PIT

MIA @ KC - MIA is in a 3-way tie for the crown of the AFC-E.  I think they are going to try and put the hurt on KC to stay tied for #1.  Picklez Pick:  MIA

SF @ STL - Why are they even playing this game?  Picklez Pick:  SF

ARI @ NE- Since ARI has clinched and there isn't anyone even close to touching them, I'm guessing they will run on autopilot.  NE needs to win to stay in the hunt for the AFC-E crown.  Picklez Pick:  NE

SD @ TB - Suck Diego.  You could say that they are better than their 6-8 record, but that's really just being polite.  TB needs this game to stay in playoff contention in the crazy NFC-S.  Picklez Pick:  TB

BUF @ DEN  - DEN hasn't clinched yet and rather than rely on TB to do their dirty work for them, I think they might try to put this one completely to bed by beating Suckalo.  Picklez Pick:  DEN

HOU @ OAK - HOU is out of playoff contention, but I think they might like to get their first franchise .500 season or possibly winning season.  Suckland isn't out to win anymore games.  Picklez Pick:  HOU

NYJ @ SEA - Brett v. the Suckhawks.  The division crown is on the line.  Picklez Pick:  NYJ

ATL @ MIN - Boy howdy!  This is a tough one.  MIN hasn't clinched and two of their division rivals are playing.  A win at home will cement their lead, especially if CHI loses.  ATL isn't going down without a fight, though.  Picklez Pick:  MIN

PHI @ WAS - Here's another game that might be meaningless.  Division rivals, but I don't think that PHI is in contention for a Wild Card slot, thanks to their tie with CIN.  Picklez Pick:  PHI

CAR @ NYG - Is NYG going to play?  It's a home game.  CAR has nearly clinched and I think a win here will do it for them.  NYG, you might want to actually play against this team because you may see them in the post season.  And I don't mean an awkward 30 seconds at the Starbucks where you know that it's CAR but you're too scared or lazy to say "Hello."  Picklez Pick:  NYG

GB @ CHI - This game will either make or break CHI's post season status.  The outlook is pretty grim even if they win, but win they must.  Also, you have to wonder if the GB home offices are questioning their wisdom in letting Favre go to the NYJ.  Picklez Pick:  CHI

THE SEASON IS ALMOST OVER!

It's times like these that make me loathe being a karate instructor.  It's testing time and as usual I have students that aren't quite ready to test.  As an instructor, the hardest thing to do is tell someone that they are not qualified to be promoted to the next rank.  A lot of people take it personally, and I can't blame them for it because it is showing a personal failing on the part of student; however, others seem to be OK with it and learn from the experience.  What makes this dicey is when it involves children in the class and subsequently their parents.

Not fitting the bill

I have a group of students that wants to test, but they don't know all the material.  I wondered if it was my fault, but then I came to the realization that the blame really rested on the attitudes of the students.  They had two forms to learn.  The first form should have only taken 2 weeks to learn.  I say this because they actually knew over half the moves, it's just that they never put them in the order of the form.  In other words, they had the tools but not the schematics.  You could even cut the learning time down to 1 week if the students practiced at home.  The second form takes at least 3 to 4 weeks to learn (for children anyway).  Again, they have already learned the basic stances, blocks, and strikes, but they have to memorize the proper order.

The problem that arose this time is that 95% of the kids wouldn't try to learn the first form during class.  They would "space out" or get bored and simply not try to learn it, despite the fact that I (and my entire teaching staff) told them that they would have to learn 2 forms to be qualified to test.  They dilly-dallied and fiddle-farted around and half-heartedly performed; thus, the instructors wouldn't move forward to the 2nd form.  Suddenly, testing is 2 weeks out and these kids want to test.  That sets myself and my entire staff on "Scramble mode" to try and get them to learn both the forms in a short period of time.  Maybe only 1 out of 10 students will qualify after that and the reason for that is that this 1 student will actually practice outside of class.  The other 9 come to class and expect to be good at the material as well as learn it.  No dice. 

Parents of these children keep hounding me and my assistants as to their eligibility.  To be nice we keep putting them off, but next Monday there will be a reckoning.  I'm guessing that after I tell them, "No."  I will have at least 7 drop out of the class.  My opinion is this:  Good riddance!  If the kid is willing to quit (or the parent is willing to pull the child out of the program) because of their own poor attitude, then I don't need them.  It isn't my fault that they didn't heed my warnings and train seriously. 

A lot of parents have told me that if their kid doesn't test then they will get bored doing the same thing over and over and lose interest.  First of all, that's just life.  Life is full of repetition.  Second of all, repetition is the key component of practicing.  For every one time these kids practice a certain form, I've probably practiced it 100 more times.  That's how you get good at something.  When it comes down to it, I try and give them enough repetitions during class, but again, I have to balance teaching other things, too like sparring, self-defense, etc.  Class isn't just about doing your forms over and over.  Actually, my philosophy has always been:  The dojo is where you learn and home is where you practice.

The other argument I have with parents is this:  It isn't fair that so-and-so is testing and getting ahead of my kid.  My kid started before then.  I only have one response to this:  Life isn't fair.  Perhaps if their kid had practiced as much as he should have, then he might be ready to test.  It's a pretty simple formula actually:  Difficulty + Pressure = Mistakes.  The solution to this equation is:  Practice.  If someone practices, then a once difficult task will cease to be so.  If asked to perform something that isn't too difficult, then there will be less pressure.  This makes the inverse of my previous equation:  Practice + Confidence = Success.  At any rate, I don't care if someone gets ahead of someone else and the student shouldn't care either.  Perhaps by having the other student ahead of them, it will be a constant reminder that if you don't do what you're supposed to do, then you're going to get left in the dust.

Not responsible

There is one student (and parent) in particular that is really getting my proverbial goat.  There is previous history here and the long and short of it is that the student is irresponsible and the parent places the blame on us.  What has happened this time is that the student did not learn a weapon form and did not prepare a self-defense routine (which involves recruiting the help of another student to be the ukke, or self-defense attacker).  As far as the weapon form is concerned, the student has had ample time to learn the form, but never brought it to the attention of the instructors that he needed to learn it.  Only he knows what he knows and I've even seen the instructor ask the student, "What do you need to work on?" and the student just shrugged his shoulders. 

As far as the S-D is concerned, well, the kid just dropped the ball.  It isn't the instructors' job to make up the routine and assign partners.  That is up to the student.  The instructor watches the routine to make sure there aren't any unworkable moves, but the student has to find a partner.  The thing that kills me most about this situation is that the student had an older brother who was in the program and he would always wait until the last minute, too.  So anyway, the mom is in an uproar about it.  Frankly, I don't really care.  It's not like we don't remind the students to make sure that they have covered all their testing material.

A few people have criticized me saying that the kid is the innocent victim in all this, but if the kid really cared about his martial arts training we wouldn't be having these issues.  I'm betting if I asked the kid if he wanted to be in class, he would say, "No."  It seems like his parents are making him do it.  All I know is that he won't be moving forward unless he shows me he wants to move forward.

Have a heart

Another arguement I get from parents is, "Just let the kid test and if he fails, he fails."  No.  I'm not going to do that.  I refuse to set people up for failure.  That isn't right.  I'm not against the "whatever happens, happens" mentality.  In fact, if there is someone who has the ability to test but doesn't want to test, I'll often tell them, "Hey, I'm confident that you can do it.  If it doesnt work out, then the results would be the same and you'd have to test in the future anyway."  Essentially, it's the same arguement; however, in this case I'm trying to bolster someone's self-esteem and show them my confidence in them.  I refuse to let a kid I'm pretty sure is going to fail to have the opportunity to fail because I believe that is more devastating then having to wait.  Also, I don't want the slack person to feel rewarded for slacking.  In other words, the person isn't ready to test.  I let them test and then they just skate by.  An optimist will tell you that the student will learn their lesson and prepare better for the next test.  A realist will tell you that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior and the student will wait until the last minute again.

Microcosm of society

I believe that the problems I am experiencing are the results of our current politically correct, entitlement laden, consumer culture.  "I'm paying money to be in this class so the instructor should bend to my will and let me be promoted even though I don't deserve it."  That seems to be the attitude of some of these people.  Well, I don't cotton to it.  If these people want to pay for a rank then they can go somewhere else and pay a lot more for it.  If they want to learn martial arts, they can stay in my class.

Another thing that's been bothering me is the whole "No Child Left Behind" attitude.  I have some families in the class in which certain members are doing well and other members aren't and the whole family is deciding to hold back because of one person.  Believe me, I can understand why they are doing it from a familial point of view, but from a martial arts point of view, this is not a wise decision.  The reason the one person isn't doing so well is because they aren't motivated.  Holding everyone else back only de-motivates the good people.  Why not test and perhaps the unmotivated student will see their family leaving them in the dust and start to get motivated?

Now I would only agree to this if it is an attitude problem rather than an ability problem.  Let's say you have someone handicapped in the family, it might not be fair to leave them behind.  I can see that, but if the problem is the person's attitude i.e. they refuse to pay attention or listen to instruction, I don't think you should punish the people who are actually doing what they're supposed to do.

I feel like "No Child Left Behind" has actually been transformed into "No Child Can Excel".  BTW, I understand that the No Child Left Behind program was really created to motivate teachers rather than students and although most of the educators I know dislike it, they are getting a lot of government money to pursue higher degrees.

So, after all this, what did we learn?  Picklez is a hard ass, and if you don't pack the gear, you'll be sitting in the rear.

END OF LINE

Current Standings

LG  135 (3rd overall, 4 points behind the leader)

Picklez  132

BabySteps  132

LG has apparently decided to stop screwing around and put BabySteps and me deep underground.  I got 10 out of 16, but LG topped our group with 12 out of 16.  I guess her picks get better with age.  ATL is bound and determined to screw me at every turn this year.  My hopes for WAS are done.  PIT got lucky and my ability to look into Romo's pre-game eyes and determine a win or loss has proven true once again.  What about the power of Manning!, you ask?  Perhaps it is true.

Week Fifteen Picks

NO @ CHI - A tough one.  I'm thinking that NO doesn't play well in the cold.  Picklez Pick:  CHI

TB @ ATL - I hate ATL games.  What makes this one even tougher is that a loss here ties them with ATL for 2nd in the division and also for a Wild Card spot.  I feel that TB is the better team in character although ATL has more firepower.  ATL generally plays very well at home.  I believe that I shall let chance decide.  Heads ATL, Tails TB.  Picklez Pick: TB

WAS @ CIN - I don't think that WAS will make it to the playoffs this year, but a win against CIN will help.  Picklez Pick:  WAS

DET @ IND - DET is starting to play despicably.  Did you see the cheap hit the DET guy laid on the MIN guy's knee?  If IND wants an AFC Wild Card spot, they had better be on their guard.  Picklez Pick:  IND

SD @ KC - Suck Diego vs. Kansas Shitty.  Neither team can really make the playoffs, but I've got to pick someone...  Picklez Pick:  SD

SEA @ STL - Another suckfest.  Oh, I don't know.  I'm going to call this the Sucky Bowl because the loser here is definitely very bad.  Odds are on the home team.  Picklez Pick:  STL

SF @ MIA - SF still has some life left and MIA wants to stay in the playoff hunt.  Picklez Pick:  MIA

BUF @ NYJ - WTF happened last week with Brett?  BUF has already imploded, but NYJ better get it together if they want to make the playoffs.  Picklez Pick:  NYJ

GB @ JAC - I don't think that GB is quite yet mathematically eliminated, but anything in the win column is going to be a plus.  Picklez Pick:  GB

TEN @ HOU - Will TEN play it's starters?  Against HOU, probably not, but I'm guessing that TEN 2nd string is about on par with HOU first string.  HOU's Schuab played brilliantly against GB last week, but I think they may need more than that to succeed against TEN.  Picklez Pick:  TEN

MIN @ ARI - Two NFC division leaders are battling it out here.  ARI is favored, but they have clinched their division so I'm thinking that they won't be pushing themselves too hard.  I predict that they'll pull Warner after the half and put Leinhart in to take some snaps.  MIN is trying to clinch so they'll be playing all-out.  Picklez Pick:  MIN

NE @ OAK - NE needs to win to stay alive in the playoff hunt.  Suckland is pretty easy prey.  Picklez Pick:  NE

DEN @ CAR - CAR is the better team and DEN is woefully inconsistent.  Picklez Pick:  CAR

PIT @ BAL - This will be an unbelievably angry game.  Both teams can play very physical football.  Big Ben was kind of a non-factor in last week's game against DAL.  He needs to pull it together if he wants to beat BAL.  Picklez Pick:  PIT

NYG @ DAL - I wonder if NYG will play their starters.  They've clinched their division, but this is still a division rivalry game.  DAL 1st string can probably definitely beat NYG's 2nd string.  I wish I could make my pick right before the game because I need to look into Homo's eyes to tell what they're going to do.  Picklez Pick:  NYG

CLE @ PHI - Sorry, CLE but with both your starting QB's out and the poor play calling and coaching...  It is yet another year where I must replace the iconic phrase, "Cleveland Rocks!" with "Cleveland Sucks!".  Picklez pick:  PHI

DID YOU SEE THAT MIN GUY'S WEE WEE ON TV LAST WEEK?  THERE WAS A TOWEL MALFUNCTION.

I got to spend a lot of time with BabySteps and the Admiral this weekend.  Amongst my circle of peers, I would like to say that I'm "the funny one", but I also happen to think that BabySteps is a comic genius.  The difference between us is that I think I am a little more expressive where as he is more quick witted.  I think he has better comedic timing, but I have a more explosive delivery.

Mixed Nuts

This actually happened this weekend.  To be honest, the situation actually set me off at first, but it made me laugh later. 

We were watching TV and I noticed he was eating some mixed nuts.  The previous night we had opened the nuts and I had had one handful.  I didn't really know how much he ate but I knew that the following morning there couldn't be more than 1/2 the can left.  By his second handful, I started to get a powerful craving for tree seeds.  He was on his third handful when I asked him, "Hey, could I have a handful of those nuts, please?"

I immediately realized that I had set myself up with that statement and braced for impact.  To my surprise, BabySteps (still chewing) simply smiled and shook his head, "No."  I know that he wasn't being a jerk and just denying me a tasty treat.  "Did you just finish off that can of mixed nuts?" I inquired.  His response was to simply smile and put his finger to his lips and then point toward the kitchen where the Admiral was preparing some hot cocoa.

In a flash of anger, I yelled out, "I can't believe you ate all those nuts!!!"  I was laughing by the time I said "nuts" because he was still chewing and making a downward pushing gesture with his hands trying to get me to quiet down.

Added Bonus

We had chili one night for dinner and I noticed corn in the mixture.  The Admiral explained that she doesn't usually put corn into the chili.  She does it every so often.  BabySteps then added, "Oh, it's just something you can look for later."  Again, I didn't laugh because I was still riled up about the mixed nuts, but in retrospect, that was pretty darn funny.

Signature Joke

Last year before Winter Camp, BabySteps was telling me that I needed to "expand my horizons" and drink a little more.  "Yeah, we'll get you a Black and Tan...Then we'll get you a drink!"  He then burst into uproarious laughter.

He did the same thing to me at a local restaurant.  His dad was eating with us and there was a promotional display for Capt. Morgan's rum.  He pointed at the display and then said to his father, "Picklez wants to get a little of the Captain in him.  Then he wants a drink."  His father looked at me, looked at the display, looked at his son and then just shook his head.  BabySteps howled in glee.

END OF LINE

I think you might get a laugh out of this story.

Female Karate Instructor Accused of Sex with Student

Actually, it's not very funny until you see the lady's picture.  Ugh.  With a capital GH.  "Good Heavens, what the hell?!"

There's some irony in the story.  Of the "victim" this was said:  "Makes great grades, honor roll, respectful," Sgt. McMaster described the teen. "Wants to be in the medical profession."  Wow!  A good work ethic and respect.  A shining example of the positive character traits that karate training can help to reinforce.  As far as the "medical profession" thing goes, he probably got a few lessons in anatomy, human growth and development, and human sexuality.  LOL

In a related story there was a link to this one of which I will produce the entire article:

Karate Instructor Gets 40 Years For Having Sex With Teen Student

Thursday, March 27, 2008 – updated: 5:49 pm EDT March 27, 2008

Here are some tidbits I left out of post #270.

The Ninja World

I stated in other posts that I like to play "Hide n' Seek" with my nieces M and K.  They usually have a very tough time finding me as I often hide in plain sight.  I've got them convinced that I can transport myself to a parallel dimension called, "The Ninja World".  I did it by hiding and then suddenly appearing behind them or by hiding near them and recounting their conversations or actions as they search for me.  I find it hilarious.

Disney Movies

I watched two Disney animated features with K during the T-Day Holiday.  The first was the straight to DVD prequel, Ariel's Beginning, which chronicles the death of Ariel's mother, Sebastian the Crab's career change from Administrative Assistant to King Triton to "Court Composer" (a position that never really lost the Admin responsibilities), and the adventures of Ariel and her 6 other hot sisters as they try and restore music (which was outlawed after the Queen's death) to Atlantica.  We also watched the unbelievably racist feature film, Lilo and Stitch.

Before I tackle Lilo and Stitch, I just want to say this about Disney heroines/princesses.  For whatever reason, they draw these women to be pretty hot.  I know I just sound sick and twisted, but it's true.  Mulan might be the one character that lacks hotness.  She was pretending to be a man after all.  Of all the Disney female characters, I'll have to say that Gisele from Enchanted is the probably the hottest because she easily translated into a real life individual who happens to be very hot.  Ariel would be a close second.

You want to know the freaky part.  I think Ariel is hotter as a mermaid.  It's not that I'm into fish or anything.  It's just that "under the sea" her hair does that sexy floating thing.  To be honest, I also have a thing for redheads.  In case you're wondering, Big Red is no exception (lol).  Anyway, there was this redheaded girl named J in high school that I had a crush on but she only spoke to me because she liked my best friend B.  That hurt, but oh well.  You know I think I ran into her during the spring when I took my nieces to the park.  I was chasing them around and this stunning redheaded lady stopped and stared at me.  We stood there staring at each other and then a guy said, "Hey, J!  J!"  She turned toward the man I assumed was her husband and then looked back at me and squinted and turned her head sideways.  The guy called her name again and she picked up her child and walked off, but not before looking over her shoulder at me.

At any rate, I decided that I don't like Lilo and Stitch.  The movie itself is kind of quirky, but it irritates me that my people got exploited by it.  The hackneyed attempt at using "Pidgin" english as an element of local color just really makes the Hawaiian population look like a bunch of uneducated chuckleheads.  The art is a little more bloated and the way the faces of the Hawaiians were drawn with the big flat featureless noses was appalling.  All of the Hawaiian stereotypes were present, too.  Hula dancing, fire dancing, surfing, and Elvis. 

The thing that gets me most about this movie is that most Hawaiians embrace it as a testament to their culture.  My mom says I need to relax and that it was nice to have real Local Style shown in a movie.  I didn't argue with her, but when most of the "Local" dialogue are gems like, "What we when hit?!" it makes me shudder to think that all over the world people are bewildered by the Hawaiian lack of proper announciation and improper diction.

My mom is real big on Ohana which does in fact mean "family"; however, it is only implied that "no one is left behind...or forgotten".  But to what extent?  The Hawaiian tourist industry capitalized on this catch phrase and on every tour group you go on the guide tells you his/her name and then tells you to find out the names of the people around you.  Once that exchange of monickers is complete he tells you to precede the person's name with "Cousin" because in Hawaii we have the spirit of Aloha (TM) and we believe in Ohana; therefore, we are all family.  They will then usually make some kind of off-color joke about inbreeding because we're on an island.  Hahaha.  Whatever...

Spirit of Aloha(TM)

Yes, it is true.  Aloha doesn't really have a set meaning.  It's kind of like the karate word, Osu.  It's just a positive upbeat word.  I think the Spirit of Aloha (TM) is one of tolerance, acceptance, and then assimilation.  History has forced the Hawaiians to develop this adaptability.  I believe this to be a positive attribute of our culture.  The place you see it the most is in our food.  Hawaiians will eat or try just about anything.  If they like it, they'll make it part of their own.  There is a Chinese BBQ pork bun called Char su bau.  It is made of a sweet white bread and pork.  The Hawaiians liked it so they made a big one and called it Mauna pua.  The best example of culinary acceptance and assimilation is the Hawaiian mixed plate.  It came from the plantation days when all the workers would break for lunch and everyone would share their food and since many of the people were from different ethnic backgrounds, people got to try and enjoy a variety of different dishes.  This resulted in the lunchtime tradition of a mixed plate.  I think it works.  Just ask BabySteps.

The adaptability is not only present in the culinary world but in the spoken language as well.  Hawaiian "Pidgin" english is a combination of English, Japanese, Chinese, Hawaiian, Korean, Portuguese and pretty much every other language.  As different people come to the islands the language changes and grows.  There are several Hawaiian Pidgin English sayings that have made into the American Lexicon.  The surfing term "Hang Loose" and of course the phrase "Go For Broke".  My problem with the Lilo and Stitch dialogue is that they centered more on the syntax and grammatical rhythms of the language rather than vocabulary.  This just makes Hawaiians sound like idiots in my opinion.  I don't speak that way.  My mom can, but she only does it around other Hawaiians.  I know many other Hawaiians who are the same way.  This shows that to speak in such a matter is a personal choice rather than the result of poor education.  The movie doesn't show that.

Back to the Spirit of Aloha (TM), the undercurrent of this acceptance, tolerance, and eventual assimilation is racism, stereotyping, and prejudice.  I'm not kidding.   Hawaiians scoff at political correctness.  The most popular Hawaiian comics often tell racially charged jokes under the guise of "celebrating our differences".  In Pidgin English, there is a code word for nearly every ethnic background.  The thing about Hawaiians is that they will often say these words in everyday conversation with people of the background that they are insulting.  Again, these words don't have the same weight as the dreaded "n" word but they are still inappropriate in the PC world.

Ohana

Family.  OK Disney, you don't have to beat me over the head with it.  The whole Ohana thing is really another way of saying, "Folksy".   We've all been in situations where we've been treated like family.  Whenever I go to the Man's house, I feel that way.  The thing is that I don't ascribe a polynesian word to it.  It's just the way it is. 

I don't see where this one word can justify using the Hawaiian backdrop for the plot of Lilo and Stitch.  It all smells of marketing shenanigans to me.  In the boardrooms of Disney, they were cooking up the marketing schemes for their next film and someone said, "OK, so we've done the traditional European fairy tale thing and we did a Chinese thing.  What's next?  Hey, we haven't had a polynesian based film.  What about this Lilo and Stitch script?  We could make that Hawaiian.  It's either that or Herbie's Hawaiian Adventure!* We need to get on the Aloha fastrack to some dough!  Cha-ching!"  I'm probably taking all of this too seriously, but you've had a fun time reading it, haven't you?

*Not a real film but will probably be made soon.

END OF LINE

Current Standings

LG  123 (3rd overall, 4 points behind the leader)

Picklez  122

BabySteps  122

Well, I've come back from the dead with a 10 out of 16 finish which isn't too bad, but it isn't as good as 11 out of 16 is it, LG?  So LG has taken the lead in the Vox group.  Here's what I learned from last week.  First, Mr. Quarter is completely random and I think next year he is going to have his own picks.  BUF sucks.  In fact, I'm going to call them Suckalo for the rest of the season.  ARI might be the best of the NFC-W but they can't beat the worst of the NFC-E.  For shame!  Also, the NYJ aren't as good as they thought by losing to DEN.

Week Fourteen Picks

OAK @ SD - Suckland at Suck Diego.  What a suckfest.  Picklez Pick:  SD

JAC @ CHI - Not too impressed with this one either.  JacSuckville at Shitcago.  Picklez Pick:  CHI

MIN @ DET - Well looky here!  I think that DET is completely demoralized now after they were the Thanksgiving day turkey on TEN's table.  They're not even trying to win anymore after the 3rd quarter of that game.  Picklez Pick:  MIN

HOU @ GB - GB is really playing for pride and pride dictates that you don't lose to HOU at home.  Picklez Pick:  GB

CLE @ TEN - You know, part of me really wants to pick CLE.  After all, they handed NYG their only loss.  It would be nice if they could score wins against the two top teams in the league, but it ain't gonna happen.  Picklez Pick:  TEN

CIN @ IND - The power of Manning! far surpasses the powerful stench of Oucho Stinko.  Picklez Pick:  IND

ATL @ NO - ATL won their last game against Suck Diego.  They beat NO in ATL, but can they beat NO on the road.  Part of me says, "Yes" because they were having an off week with the offense.  That means either a) the defense will be off or b) both sides of the ball will be good to go.  I'm hoping for "b".  I just hope option c: neither offense nor defense shows up doesn't rear its ugly head.  Picklez Pick:  ATL

PHI @ NYG - This is going to be a very good game...for NYG.  Picklez Pick:  NYG

MIA @ BUF - It was against MIA that Suckalo started their downward slide.  Picklez Pick:  MIA

KC @ DEN - I think DEN sucks.  Yeah, yeah #1 in the AFC-W.  That might be something if the entire AFC-W didn't suck.  Picklez Pick:  DEN

NYJ @ SF - Brett better get his head back into the game and take Suck Francisco seriously or the the lead in the AFC-E is going to evaporate faster than an ice cube on Megan Fox's abdomen.  Picklez Pick:  NYJ

NE @ SEA - Suckhawks.  'Nuff said.  Picklez Pick:  NE

STL @ ARI - Ooh!  An NFC-W division "rivalry" game.  Pfft!  Picklez Pick:  ARI

DAL @ PIT - DAL is still in the playoff hunt for a wild card berth.  PIT is top of the AFC-N division.  The game is in PIT which will probably be unbelievably cold.  Advantage is with the home team.  Picklez Pick:  PIT 

WAS @ BAL - Both WAS and BAL want this very, very badly.  I think WAS wants it more.  Picklez Pick:  WAS

TB @ CAR - This is a big day for the NFC-S.  All four teams in the division are playing against each other.  Irregardless at how ATL does, the winner of this game moves to #1.  This game is my upset pick of the week.  Picklez Pick:  TB

...AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE!