Here it is. The last post of 2006. As the year comes to a close, I ask myself, "What have I achieved? What do I want to achieve in 2007?" Let's go over the highlights of 2006, shall we?
1st Quarter 2006 - Found Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman's real killer. 99.9% sure it was OJ Simpson.
2nd Quarter 2006 - Made realization that I'm not as young as I used to be.
3rd Quarter 2006 - Broke a baseball bat; Got an X-Box 360.
4th Quarter 2006 - Won 1st place in Heavy Breaking competition; Hosted Grandmaster Yamamoto; Helped 16 people earn a 1st deg. black belt; Shot my first deer; Shot my first armadillo.
Looks like the 4th quarter was the winner. Next year I hope to do better than last year.
Yes, I know its the holidays and everyone is busy, but that isn't my excuse for not posting. I have been really sick. I was probably sick enough to warrant a trip to the doctor, but I stubbornly refused to go. Well, maybe it wasn't because of I was stubborn. I have a legitimate reason. The college I work for is switching over to a new health insurance provider on Jan. 1 and I didn't want to have to go through any hassles after the new year because something didn't get paid or filed. Anyway, this virus (I'm going to assume it was a virus because I don't think a simple bacterial infection could have wreaked such havoc on me) had me laid out in bed for two straight days. I went to work on Wed. and Thurs., but once I got done with my shift I was too weak to teach class. It was brutal. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was miserable most of the day. I started to feel better on Friday and I've been feeling better everyday since then. A Christmas miracle in my opinion.
I'm sure you're all wondering about the holidays, so I'll break it down for you. My nieces liked the gifts I gave them, my sister who is 6 months pregnant is humongous now, and I'm the same old crotchety bastard. This brings me to my next issue that I'm sure will be hotly debated.
Statement: IF I were to ever have children, I would not teach them to believe in Santa Clause.
There, I said it. Now before you scream about how I am a mean bastard and that I should be castrated so that it would be impossible for me to have children, let me tell you what I would do instead and my reasoning behind my statement. What I would do instead of teaching my kids about Santa Clause is explain to them the legend of St. Nicholas. I would explain to them that Christmas is the celebration of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and we take special time in December to honor and celebrate His birth. It was many years later that a man decided to take clothes, food, and other much needed items to less fortunate families. Oftentimes, he might bring a handmade toy to one of the small children in the family as woodworking was a hobby of his. I would then explain to my imaginary offspring that this is how the character of Santa Clause was created. I would also explain to them that we would exchange gifts at Christmas time as I find this an enjoyable custom; however, I feel that it would be unfair to them to lie to them and tell them that there is a magical being watching their every move and determining whether or not they get a toy that they want. There is a supreme being watching their every move, but it is the weighty matter of the final resting place of their eternal soul that is at stake not a video game or a plastic toy. I would also explain to them that many other parents tell their children to believe in Santa Clause and there is nothing wrong with that, but they are NOT under any circumstances do anything to undermine that. They are NOT to tell other children that Santa Clause isn't real. The reason for this is that at least in this country, people are allowed to believe what they want to believe as long as they aren't hurting anyone and by telling kids that believe in Santa that there is no such thing as Santa is in my opinion a violation of their rights.
Now, there are also some practical reasons behind this as well. As the head of the household, I would want my authority to be fully recognized for what it is. I don't want to have to rely on a fictional fat man to maintain discipline in my house. I also think that by giving your child gifts directly they will better appreciate what is provided for them as the gift is a luxury above and beyond basic needs. Some people might argue that I am taking the "magic" out of the season. I disagree. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was born of the Virgin Mary on Christmas day (if you believe that - I, for the record, do). If that isn't "magical" enough, I don't know what is.
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Before you hear a bunch of trumped up charges, let me give you the real scoop. If you read my post "Close Encounters..." you will recall my anecdote with the phrase "We almost made it." Well, I finally got my revenge. Baby Steps, the Boss, and I were returning from our Sunday evening meal, when I stated in a clear voice, "We didn't make it". Prior to our trip from the restaurant to the Baby Steps' homestead, he made a comment about his "tummy felt unstable and unfulfilled" - mainly because he didn't get cheesefries or a dessert. After hearing his comment, I decided to take the offensive and openly stated that we weren't going to make it. Just as we pulled into the garage, I pressed my attack and made my now infamous statement, "We didn't make it." I don't care what anyone thinks, but as far as I am concerned the matter is closed. I have retaliated for the great wrong done unto me and I plan to move forward of my life. I only pray that Baby Steps can see the equity of this situation and refrain from further aggressions.
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After hosting the Grandmaster, I realized that I need to learn Japanese. No, really. I can understand about 60% of what they are saying, but I can only respond to about 20% of that 60%. What I need to do is bump my comprehension up to 90% and my speaking to at least 75% before I go to Japan next year. Following that I need to get my reading and writing of Japanese to about 60%, my comprehension to 95%, and my speaking to 85% by 2008. I think that if I did that, my stock in the organization will go up by about 5%.
I've tried a number of different methods over the years to learn Japanese. Everything from private lessons, lessons on tape, books, and lessons on CD. While I was in Dothan, AL at the beginning of November, one of the other black belts told me about a software program called "Rosetta Stone". He told me that is how he learned Chinese/Taiwanese. I'm sure it helps that he is married to a Taiwanese woman, too. Anyway, he said the software was expensive, but he said there is a 180 day money-back guarantee. He said, I could probably learn to speak the language in 4 months and read and write in 6 months then I could return it. To which I replied, "Sir, I don't think you understand how dumb I am." Applause and laughter followed.
At any rate, I bought the Level 1 and 2 software and a fancy headset with a mike (this allows me to speak during the program and it compares my pronounciation to that of a native speaker). The whole kit and caboodle cost me $369.91 after tax. I have to admit though, after using it for a day and a half, I really feel like I know some of the language. The software completely immerses you and you learn the language naturally as a child would learn the language. One of the things they do is they have a native speaker say a word or phrase and it appears in phonetic characters. You then choose from one of 4 pictures as to what you think describes the word. Kind of like when you're a kid and your parent points to dog and says, "Dog". You then, of course, associate that image with the word "Dog". It's really ingenious, I think. Anyway, I am up to Level 1, Unit 3, Lesson 3. I got all the way through Unit 1 and 2 yesterday. I had to back track and re-do from the middle of Unit 2 to get my mind back on track. I am hoping that by May, I will be able to have some sort of intelligent conversation in Japanese.
I'll keep you posted.
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Dateline - Saturday, November 25, 2006; 14:17.
While travelling home from an enjoyable afternoon romp at a gunshow at the Gwinnett County Fairgrounds, myself, Yeasty Khan, the Admiral's brother-in-law (codenamed: J), and her nephew - Little Man were told an anecdote by Baby Steps that showcased his multi-tasking abilities. After telling the story, we were all shocked and appalled at what had been said. Here's the story as best as I can recount it:
A few years ago on a trip to Panama City, we stopped at a little donut place in Eufala, AL called "The Donut King". Let me tell you, these are some of the most delicious donuts EVAR! Anyway, we all made some purchases and headed down the road. As part of normal ship-board procedure, the Admiral allowed Baby Steps his normal ration of Donut-type food stuffs. Once he had consumed his portion, she then proceeded to secure the remaining food items in a backpack. Once we arrived at our destination and unpacked the vehicle, Baby Steps then proceeded to follow his normal destination arrival protocol which consists of unloading the vehicle, surveying the premisis, and then offloading the ballast in his lower gastro-intestinal tract. In an attempt to amuse himself while taking said slam, he brought the backpack into the toilet facility with him. While searching for his Gameboy Advanced he came across the remaining donuts from our earlier visit to The Donut King. ***Ladies and Gentlemen, I must advise you at this point that the story takes a somewhat grisley turn, so those of you with weak stomachs may want to stop reading.*** Baby Steps upon finding the donuts then proceeded to EAT a donut (or donuts, he was unclear about this point) while sitting upon the toilet. No, shit. (pun intended) He sat on the porcelain throne eating while excreting human bodily waste. I'm not really sure if it was at the same exact time or slightly before or what, but all I can say is that we all found this deeply disturbing (except for Baby Steps).
Needless to say, we all started giving him copious amounts of grief. I just want to say for the record that I was abhorred at what I had heard. His gas problem I can almost forgive, but this....? To me, only the lowest sort of man-no, that's not the right word-excuse me, creature would even think to eat in such close proximity to where they had defecated or were going to defecate or while they were defecating. It boggles the mind. I...I...I can't talk anymore.
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My wife, my family, my friends, a good paying and fun job with great co-workers, a roof over my head, warm clothes in the winter, cool clothes in the summer, running water, electricity, things to eat when I'm hungry, things to drink when I'm thirsty, a vehicle that runs properly, the full use of my body and general good health. Its the little things that people take for granted so its the little things for which I am thankful.
Its sad that I don't do this more often, but around this time of year, I really start thinking about these types of things. I also think that its important to let the people you care about, the people that you are thankful that they are in your life who make life that much more special, know how you feel and thank them. I'd like to do that right now:
Boss - We've had our disagreements this year and the previous years, but I want you to know that I love you and I thank you for everything you do for me. Not just the maritals (or conjugals as some people call them) but for everything else like the laundry, the cleaning up, the cooking, but most importantly, being there for me when there isn't anyone else and understanding me even though I can be a tough old codger at times. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Mom & Family. - Mom, thank you for raising me right and teaching me how to be a quality human being. Thank you for whipping me when I needed to be whipped, comforting me when I needed to be comforted, and praising me when no one else would. Family, thank you for letting me be me and accepting me no matter what stupid thing I do/say. I love you guys.
My instructors and teachers - Thank you for seeing past my flaws and lack of skill and for seeing my potential. Thank you for helping me to past the flaws of my students to see their potential. Thank you for answering my incessant questions - not by simply answering the questions but by pointing me in the right direction so that I could learn the answer on my own.
Admiral, Baby Steps, and Yeasty Khan - Admiral, Thank you for being a loyal student, a terrific practitioner, and an excellent instructor. Your sense of humor and your pragmatic thinking have kept me from going over the edge many times. You are a gem. Baby Steps, Thank you for inviting me over to watch BSG. Thank you for making me laugh and thank you for letting me make you laugh. Thank you for your competitive spirit. You are one of the best friends I've ever had. Your kindness, generosity, and good humor is something that warms my heart. Yeasty Khan, Thank you for always telling me your honest opinion. The truth is a blunt instrument, but you handle it pretty deftly. Thank you for your delicious cooking, and thank you for your tolerance of my intolerance. You are also a good friend.
To everyone else - Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for letting me be a part of yours.
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Its been a brutal couple of weeks. A lot has happened, but I don't feel like talking about it right now. Maybe later...
Let's instead focus on "Black Friday". No, I'm not talking about those Ice Cube movies. I'm talking about the launch of the Playstation 3 (PS3 for short, or PS Sh*tbox - I'll elaborate later). First, I must admit to you that I am a former Sony Fanboy. Right now, I am living in a 4 console household. PS2, Xbox, Gamecube, and Xbox 360. I also firmly believe that the PS2 was/is one of the best consoles ever created. I know about its limitations regarding the external hard drive (which is only used for one game) and online, but I firmly believe that if you want to play an online game - get a computer. I absolutely hated the Xbox when it came out, but I hated it because of Bill Gates. I also hated the Xbox 360 when it initially released but that was because EB Games screwed me on the pre-order. Now that I've gotten a little older and wiser, I can see that the 360 really is a good system and it cost me under $400 to get it. Yes, it wasn't until a few months ago, but still - I didn't get a PS2 at launch either. (I had to get it through a "friend of a friend".)
Now, I've been reading these stories in the "news" about hundreds of people lining up at retail stores to get a chance at one of the less than fifty units that may appear at that location. Sometimes police have to be brought in and unruly nerds have to be tasered or pepper sprayed. One could simply say, "That's the price of doing business," but I disagree. All of this could be avoided if these console companies would adhere to the basic economic principle of "Supply = Demand". Both Microsoft and Sony sought to exploit this principle upon the launch of their systems. Wait a minute, am I saying that they purposely limited the production/quantities of their consoles to create a false demand? Oh, HELLS YEAH they did? Why would they do that? Here comes the science...
I am working with some theoretical numbers here to prove my point. Please don't comment with snipets of articles or start sending me charts and graphs because frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. You can pull your numbers and then I can go and pull my numbers and we can debate it until the cows come home because numbers tell you one thing numbers. They can't measure intent. So lets go!
Number of US PS2 owners - possibly over 1 million
Number of US PS2 owners that can afford $600 price point - lets just say 750,000
Average population in a large US metropolitan area - 500,000
Number of PS3 consoles released to the US - 400,000
Actual number of PS3 consoles released to the US - probably 200,000
Number of US PS3 pre-orders - probably around 600,000
Why do this? I firmly believe that Sony has a huge marketing and consumer research department. Based on pre-orders alone, they would have known there would be a deficit. By giving the finger to "S=D", they create false demand and prices of units will skyrocket well above the MSRP. It's true that Sony won't see that extra money from the black market type sale of this item; however, with a successful PR spin they can create demand where there wasn't before. Now, people who didn't give a rat's ass about the PS3 are now seeing ownership as a status symbol. Let's back the train up to when Sony released the price point for the PS3. Everyone in the industry said WTF!!! Now, more than ever, by creating this false demand people won't see $600 as a lot of money. Microsoft did the same thing with the 360. The hardware wasn't as powerful as they hoped so they started schilling the online capabilities at E3. When it looked like everyone was going to give the finger to the 360 and wait for the PS3, they launched and were conveniently short a few hundred thousand units. This immediately made the 360 the "it" gift for the 2005 holiday season.
If someone pre-orders something, they should get it. If you don't pre-order then you take your chances. There shouldn't be this brouhaha over lining up in front of a store and sleeping outside like a hobo. The PS3 has the potential to be a good system but it has too many things against it already. The launch day hijinks are giving me a negative impression of the company. The "Blu-Ray" technology (Sony's proprietary version of HD-DVD) seems silly. Many game developers are already jumping ship and what were previously "exclusive titles" will now be available on all the systems. Exclusive titles are the primary reason to buy a specific console if the choice presents itself to a consumer. SCEA has a good game development department but SOCOM and God of War can only carry the exclusive title wagon so far. Rockstar and Ubisoft have already decided to start working with all three consoles. Metal Gear will come out for the PS3 first but eventually it will port to the other systems because Konami is an independent company that wants to make money. Bioware (the makers of Jade Empire and KOTOR) is a Microsoft owned company just as Bungie (Halo) is. Nintendo's development house is perhaps the best one with all the "Mario" sports titles, SMB titles, Metroid, Zelda, Pokemon, etc.
All this leads me to the bigger issue of how we prioritize our lives and the impact of technology. Not to sound too BSGish but people rioting outside of a Wal-Mart to get a PS3 is only a few steps behind being nuked by robots who were once our servants. You don't agree? People are risking bodily harm to own a piece of technology that will be obsolete in about 5 years. Imagine what would happen in the launch day lines to get your "Number 6" Cylon. I'll leave you to discuss amongst yourselves.
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Baby Steps and I have an ongoing debate about who holds the title of "Worst Actor of Our Time". He seems to think that George Kennedy is the worst actor of our time. Don't ask me why. The hatred he has of this man makes me wonder if he wasn't molested in a bus station bathroom stall by the venerated Hollywood actor. "Who is George Kennedy?", you may ask. Well, here is his biography from www.imdb.com:
"WWII veteran, sandy haired, stocky actor who at one stage cornered the market at playing tough no-nonsense characters that were either quite crooked or possessed hearts of gold. Kennedy has notched up an impressive 200+ appearances in both TV & film productions, and is well respected within the Hollywood community. Started out in TV westerns in the late 1950s & early 1960s (Have Gun Will Travel, Rawhide, Maverick, Colt .45 etc ) before scoring minor roles in films including Lonely Are the Brave (1962), The Sons of Katie Elder (1965) and The Flight of the Phoenix (1965). The late 1960s was then a very busy period for Kennedy, and he was strongly in favor with casting agents appearing in Hurry Sundown (1967), The Dirty Dozen (1967) and scoring an Oscar win as Best Supporting Actor for his performance in Cool Hand Luke (1967). The disaster film boom of the 1970s was kind to Kennedy too, and his talents were in demand for Airport (1970) and the three subsequent sequels, as a grizzled cop in Earthquake (1974), plus the buddy/road film Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (1974) as vicious bank robber, Red Leary.
The 80s saw Kennedy appear in a mish mash of roles playing various characters, however Kennedy and Leslie Nielsen surprised everyone with their comedic talents in the hugely successful The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988), and the two screen veterans hammed it up again in, _Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear, The (1991)_ , plus Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994).
George Kennedy has remained busy in Hollywood and has lent his distinctive voice to the animated Cats Don't Dance (1997) and the children's action film Small Soldiers (1998). A Hollywod stalwart for nearly 50 years, he is one of the most enjoyable actors to watch on screen."
He also has an extensive filmography of over 300 films and television appearances. Now, I grant you not everything on that list was a "winner". He's done his share of cheesy or mindless stuff, but the man won an Oscar for crying out loud. He won it in 1968 for Best Supporting Actor in "Cool Hand Luke". You can say what you want about the Oscar selection process, but I feel that his award was genuine unlike some of the more recent award winners i.e. Marisa Tomei/Nick Cage.
I don't think he is the worst actor of our time. I would even argue that he is a good actor. I mean, the man served in WWII. What has Colin Ferrel done besides being Box Office Poison. You're wrong, Baby Steps. Very wrong.
I know I'm not a professional writer, but I wanted to pitch some show ideas out there. If anyone can help me think of a basic plot for a pilot, I'll write it up and give you a co-credit on the writing of the episode.
The WB network announced some time ago that they were going to start a new drama show set in the Star Wars universe. I'm not exactly sure how all that will work considering that Star Wars is a Fox property, but anywho... Lucas gave the green light on it so I guess that's good enough. Now, a drama set in the Star Wars universe could be good if they try to mimick BSG although it won't be without its detractors. I say that they should turn it around and do an action/comedy show. Here's the premise: Sven Solo and Darnell Calrissian are two spice smugglers on Sulta the Hutt's planet of Naar Shadulla 3. The two struggle to make a living in the Hutt dominated planet and get into a series of adventures. I'm really going for a Dukes of Hazzard in outer space kind of thing. You could get a hot chick to take the role of Daisy and have Sven and Darnell always trying to impress her. You could also have an old battle droid as part of the crew, too. I don't know. I'm just kicking around ideas.
That's pretty much my TV idea for right now. I've already started work on a fantasy/alternate history book based on WW2. If you're interested in reading what I have so far, send me an e-mail and I'll get you a copy. I have about 2 chapters worth of material. My problem in writing is that I enjoy the background work - creating settings, characters, specific scenes, but when it comes to the actual writing portion, I either get stuck or bored and I stop. I've had a few comic book character/world ideas and I've been thinking about trying to do a graphic novel (its less actual writing). I have an idea for a Superman graphic novel. It is very low action and focuses more on Clark Kent. Its kind of weird. By the way, I hate Superman, but the idea I have won't work for any other character.
And if you're still wondering, NO I don't have that magazine anymore. It got lost in one of my many moves.
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As any avid fan (ha! yeah, right) of this blog knows, I like the show Battlestar Galactica - the most recent incarnation not the original (although it had its moments). I think what makes the show so terrific is the writing which is then reinforced by the terrific acting of the cast and technical achievements of the crew. Baby Steps, Yeasty Khan, and I are constantly trying to come up with the best (and sometimes worst) new thing to show up on TV. Baby Steps seems to think that he is the most proficient at this game; however, I beg to differ. His show idea is called "Man of Clay" which is a blatant rip off of the NBC show "Pretender" as well as the DC Comics villian "Clayface" from the "Batman" comic book series. I'll let him explain all the intricacies in his own blog.
Now, I don't claim to be a professional writer. I've done some freelance work and I had been published in the university paper, and a few of the educational journals. One of my articles was even published in an adult magazine. Well, before you start yammering and asking me questions, I'll explain. Most of us are familiar with some of the more popular culture Men's magazines such as Playboy (soft-core), Penthouse (soft to medium-core), and Hustler (still medium-core, but considered hard-core by most avg. citizens). Beyond Hustler there are the hard-core mags that are usually separated into the catagories of Porn industry publications - usually featuring adult movie actors and actresses and contains numerous movie reviews or "Gonzo" fetish mags - usually foreign models or adult movie stars, these mags are very specific to a certain genre or fetish like leather, enormous mammaries, age groups (60+ for example), etc. A friend of mine had a subscription to one of the Porn industry publications, I believe it was "Cheri" and there was an ad asking for submissions of articles for either "Cheri" or one of their publishers other magazines. You got $50 per article and if an article was considered good enough to be published in more than one magazine then you recieved the standard fee of $50 per publication a $25 bonus and a complimentary copy of the magazine of your choice. Just for laughs, I submitted one of my history papers on the significance of the longbow and its effect at the Battle of Crecy during the 100 years war, and I received a check for $175. I, of course, asked them to print the article under a pseudonym (I can't remember what it was), but of course the check was made out to me. I believe it went toward my Nintendo 64 fund. Anyway, if you've ever seen one of these magazines and flipped through the pages its like this - boobies, labia, phone sex ad, boobies, boobies, phone sex ad, porn movie review, labia, anus, boobies, phone sex ad, article on the longbow and its significance in the 100 years war, labia, boobies... wait... WHAT???!!! I mailed the publishing company a letter and asked them why they printed my article which I believe appeared in the Gonzo fetish mags entitled "All Natural Jiggly Queens", "DD Babes", and "Leather Lovers". For my free copy I selected the what I thought had the classiest title: "Jiggly Queens". At any rate, the publisher responded that although their material was already considered pornography, they had to have some sort of informative or educational content so that it would not be legally considered "obscene" which would mean that it had only purient material within its pages. But I digress...
As I said, I'm not a professional writer so...you know what. I'm going to continue this later because I know you all are in shock right now.
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