Posts

Had to post this:

Navaronne

The movie would have been so much awesomer if this was the Wizard.

THAT IS ALL

Current Standings

Picklez  79  (4th place, 4 points behind the leader)

BabySteps  72 (8th place)

LG  76 (6th place)

Hangtime  69 (dead last)

Tiny Tanks 80 (3rd place)

LG continues to gain, Tiny Tanks has a horrible week, BabySteps continues to flounder, Hangtime is still struggling from his week of missed picks.

Week Nine Picks

I'm still shooting for the "perfect" week, but I don't see how I can get it with all these damn upsets.

WAS @ ATL - No brainer pick...or is it.  ATL at home, but there's still BabySteps' Monday night loss theory to consider.  WAS has no QB and no head coach.  Hmmm....  Picklez Pick:  ATL

ARI @ CHI - I don't know what happened to ARI last week.  Losing to CAR at home?!  I think they'll tighten up and if we see the same ARI team that played against the NYG, then CHI doesn't stand a chance.  Then again, maybe not.  ARI has been woefully inconsistent and the CHI defense is sort of merciless.  Picklez Pick:  CHI

BAL @ CIN - This was hard to pick.  I hate both teams equally.  Ouchostinko can suck it.  Twitter on that, Chad!   Picklez Pick:  BAL

HOU @ IND - To be honest, IND didn't play well last week.  If the Screwston effect is in, then this could be the end of the regular season winning streak for IND.  I don't think it will be though.  The power of Manning! is undeniable this year.  Picklez Pick:  IND

MIA @ NE - MIA beat the Jets.  No biggie.  There's no way they're going to be able to roll into Foxboro and beat the Patriots at home.   Also, I'm making this announcement since the NYJ have the bye this week.  NYJ sucks.  I'm always hopeful for them at the beginning of the year and then I am sadly disappointed.  As hot as the Flight Crew is, these guys can't seem to put together a winning season.  Sad really.  Picklez Pick:  NE

GB @ TB - Losing to Favre and the Vikings at home was tough, but GB is a much better team than the Suckaneers.  Picklez Pick:  GB

JAC @ KC - Both teams suck.  Who sucks more?  Picklez Pick:  JAC

DET @ SEA - DET let me down by losing to Suck Louis.  They won't do well against the Suckhawks.  Picklez Pick:  SEA

SD @ NYG - Will PeyPey release some of the power of Manning! to Eli for their home game this week against SD?  I hope so.  They need to break the shame spiral they're on right now.  Not just for themselves, but for me.  Picklez Pick:  NYG

TEN @ SF - Vince Young led TEN to a victory against crappy JAC.  Can he turn the whole season around?  No.  Picklez Pick:  SF

DAL @ PHI - I don't want to say outright that PHI is good because I hate them and their pro-dog murdering ways, but I have to admit that they've been playing well lately.  That ends with this upset pick of the week.  Picklez Pick:  DAL

DEN @ PIT - The facade of the DEN horses cracked last week and will continue to split.  Picklez Pick:  PIT

OH WHEN THE SAINTS, GO MARCHING IN, OH WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN...

It was a tournament weekend.  It was filled with thrills and spills.  Here's the skinny.

Thursday 10-29-09

I got to Dothan at about 13:00 local time.  I checked into the hotel and rested for a little while.  By rested, I mean that I called one of my credit card companies to get something sorted out and was treated extremely rudely by the service rep.  He said his computer was down and he wanted me to call back in 5 minutes.  I didn't want to go through automated hoops again and have to re-enter all my data to get to another service rep so I asked him to transfer my call to another rep.  He basically insulted my intelligence and told me that I might want to take a class on computers and on how they work.  I told him I wanted to talk to a supervisor so the guy put me on hold and then hung up on me.  I finally got everything sorted out, but I was turbo pissed.

Shortly after I got off the phone, Master C called me.  I went over to his house at 14:15 and we went to teach one of his classes.  This class was taught as an afterschool course at his daughter's school.  The kids were just out of school so they were sort of rambunctious.  Also, they're not used to visitors so they were sort of taken aback by seeing another black belt.  I warmed up the class and then they did their tournament stuff.

After participating in that class, I realize now more than ever why Master C is a true karate master.  He has an incredible amount of patience.  He also has an aura about him (especially around children) that demands respect without being overly intimidating.  This is something that I need to cultivate in myself.  It's little things like calling all the girls "sweetheart" and all the boys "son". 

After class, we went back to the homestead and took a short rest before going to pick GM up at the airport.  It turned out that GM's flight got in a little early and we were a little behind schedule because we forgot to wait for Master T before heading to the airport so we had to wait on him a little while.

We loaded up all the luggage and people and made our way back to the homestead.  After all the packing and unpacking, we had a light dinner of soup and sandwiches.  Some Dothan black belts came by as well as a group of Canadians who are looking to join our organization.  I didn't really interact with them much but from what I saw, they seem like a really good group.

It turned out to be a pretty late night.  I was asked to call at 08:00 the next morning.  I fell asleep very quickly once I got back to my hotel room.

Friday

I woke up at 07:45.  Promptly showered and dressed and then called Master C at 08:00.  He told me to come by the house at 08:30.  When I got there we loaded up into Master C's truck and went to get breakfast.  I had an omelete, some sausage, and a pancake.  After that we had to get some parts to fix the kitchen sink which had exploded the previous night.

We headed back to the house for a short rest before going over to the dojo to load up the mats for the demo and bring the trailer over to the civic center.  We got to the civic center at 13:00.  The trophies had already been unloaded so the trailer unloading process went by pretty quickly.

I was placed in charge of lining off the rings.  I hate this process when it is done on a wooden gym floor.  With the tile, it's easy to mark off and line things up.  With a wooden floor you have to measure very precisely.  It took a while but we got all the outer rings marked off and we were able to mark the center lines.  We left the gym at about 15:45.

We had a "snack" of Krystals, left over soup, and Wendy's chili.  Master C ate and then retired for a nap.  At 17:15 we got into the van and headed for the demo practice.  Before the practice officially started, they did the rank promotions.  A bunch of people got their 1st deg and Overboard got her 3rd deg.  Shihan Bl from LA got his 7th; Mr. El got his 6th; Mrs. McI got her 6th; Mr. Taylor got his 6th; and Mrs. Taylor got her 5th.

Overall, the practice went pretty well.  I was able to weasel out of having to do the kata.  I also got assigned to the announcing during the day.  We didn't get out of the practice until about 20:00 and I had to stay a little later to get all the center lines down.  One funny thing that happened during the practice was that someone was squeaking a chair in the upper deck.  I looked at PFC and he grimaced as he was reminded of the "Squeaky Shoe" debacle.

I went back over to the C homestead when I finished and we then went out for mexican food at La Parrilla.  It was pretty tasty.  I had to work on a list of Shihan's for introduction the next day.  I had to be really careful about the order and whatnot so as not to offend anyone.

After dinner I went back to the hotel and visited with the Medic and PFC.  The Medic opened the door of his hotel room and I was greeted by the sight of his huge white ass.  We chatted for a while and then PFC fell asleep.  We decided to put a picture on his phone, but neither of us was too keen on actually photographing our balls because PFC would kick our asses later.  We took a few very convincing photos of his elbow, though.

Saturday Demo

I got to the civic center at about 08:30.  There were a lot of last minute details to go over such as the final schedule.  As expected a few people who weren't at the practice showed up and wanted to participate.  Instead of telling the people they couldn't participate, we let them go ahead and try.  One young girl in particular didn't even know the kata, but she did the demo anyway.

The demo consisted of the group bo kata; Self-Defense; Fighting; Sword; and Breaking.

Operation

Remember that game Operation?  Well, I got Water on the Knee and the rubber band connecting my knee to my ankle has come loose.  I was kicking with my right leg and Big Red kicked my supporting leg out from under me.  Somehow in the process, I twisted my knee.  It hurt bad.  Real bad.  It still hurts and will continue to hurt for the next few weeks, I assume.

Big Red is officially a bad ass in my book, now.  This is about the 20th time he's whipped my ass.  I'm counting kata, weapons, and overall usefulness.  I don't know when or how he got so good, but he did.  I respect that.

Breaking

As I stood there waiting for the sword demo to finish, I contemplated not attempting to break my bat.  I decided to go through with it anyway.  I did it.  Big Red didn't break his bat, but apparently he separated PFC's shoulder in the attempt.  The Medic bent his aluminum bat with relative ease.

Saturday Tournament

I didn't get to compete because of my knee injury.  I'm not entirely sure I would have wanted to compete anyway.  I would have to compete against two of my students plus about 4 of my friends.  In the kata divisions, I was very happy to see Mr. N. McG compete again.  He competed with us at the Panama City tournament and all I can tell you is that I need to find out what that boy is eating for breakfast.  He went from sloppy to bad ass in a very short amount of time.  Right now, I would place his kata in the top 5 of the entire style.

I watched a little bit of sparring.  The Admiral fought really well despite the fact that she lost her first fight.  I'll have to admit though that the judging was a little suspect.  The Admiral scored about 5 points before they finally stopped the fight to award her opponent a point.

Hangtime fought well too.  His first fight the guy who beat him got lucky.  The second guy was the idiotic gorilla from PC.  That gorilla guy is a complete dick.  He's like a fat, flying freight train.  Watching him point fight is like watching someone projectile vomit on someone else.  What's coming isn't very pretty but it's pretty much unavoidable.  If I had to fight that guy, my strategy would be to wait until he rushed in with his no control ridgehand and just side or front kick him in the nuts.

Saturday Party

All in all, it was pretty uneventful.  Hangtime, Overboard, BabySteps, the Admiral, Sweet Tooth, Big Red, and I went to eat Thai food after the tournament.  We met in my room and BabySteps got a funny on me.  He said that I was "nuts over" a girl and then said that she was only 3' tall.  Sweet Tooth was pretty amused by that.

After dinner was over, I had trouble getting out of my chair because of my knee injury.  BabySteps suggested that I ride on his shoulders and we could be "Master/Blaster".  I thought Sweet Tooth was going to pee himself he was laughing so hard.

The DJ event went pretty smoothly.  My one regret was that I couldn't dance (because of my knee).  One my younger students (I think she's 6) kept requesting songs.  The funniest one was "Galvanize".  It got to this one part and she danced like a robot and mouthed the words "Push the button".  It was so cute.

Aftermath

This knee injury is by far the worst injury I've suffered in the past 5 years.  The bruised femur bone was bad, but this is almost unbearable.  I feel like it is improving though.  The paramedics looked at it on Saturday and said that as long as it didn't turn colors in the next 24 hours, I probably didn't need to get it x-rayed.  It didn't turn colors, so I'm pretty confident that it's just twisted or sprained and should heal up to at least 70% by the end of this week. 

What I consider to be 70% is not feeling pain getting in and out of the car, walking up and down stairs, and being able to sleep and change positions without waking up.  I understand that I won't be running or sparring for at least 3 weeks.  I just want to be able to perform normal functions like sitting down on the toilet to take a crap without pain or the fear of emminent pain.

I need to be mobile by the end of next week because GM and the Japanese are coming into town.  It's going to suck having to drive them around and take them places and not being able to walk correctly is certainly going to make things much more difficult than they should be.

END OF LINE

Current Standings

Picklez  70  (Tied for 4th place, 4 points behind the leader)

BabySteps  62 (8th place)

LG  68 (6th place)

Hangtime  60 (dead last)

Tiny Tanks 73 (2nd place)

LG is nipping at my heels, but Tiny Tanks has a nearly insurmountable lead.

Week Eight Picks

Here it is midseason, and I'm still getting surprised!  Not good.  My prediction is a NO vs IND SuperBowl.

HOU @ BUF - The real question is:  Can BUF win 3 times in a row?  I don't think so.  HOU is a much better team than CAR.  Of course, NYJ should have beat BUF.  Will the LG "Screwston" theory hold true?  Picklez Pick:  HOU

CLE @ CHI - As much as I hate to say it, CLE is awful.  CHI isn't the pick of the litter either, but I think that they have enough juice to beat CLE at home.  Picklez Pick:  CHI

SEA @ DAL - I'll have to hand it to Tony Homo.  He was firing on all cylinders against ATL last week.  The Suckhawks aren't 4/13ths as good as ATL.   Picklez Pick:  DAL

STL @ DET - Another game honoring Stirquilius, Roman god of Feces.  This is STL last chance to avoid the dreaded 0-16.  Desperation is in the air, but DET wants to double their wins this week at home.  Picklez Pick:  DET

SF @ IND - SF has played horribly the last two games.  Are they merely giant killers?  I'll just say this.  The way PeyPey is over performing and Eli is underperforming, I may have to bring back my theory of the Power of Manning!  I don't think SF has what it takes to beat IND at home.   Picklez Pick:  SF

MIA @ NYJ - This seems like a pretty easy pick, but it isn't.  The Jets haven't been performing well as of late.  MIA had a heck of a game against NO, but they still came up short.  I'm going with NYJ.  By the way, Flight Crew > Dolphins Cheerleaders.  Just sayin'.  Picklez Pick:  NYJ

NYG @ PHI - Upset #1.  I know that PHI won against WAS on Monday night, but WAS sucks.  The Giants lost to the best team in the NFC two weeks ago and the NFC champion last week.  A road win is just what they need to boost their morale.  Picklez Pick:  NYG

DEN @ BAL - DEN sucks.  BAL is solid.  What I'm afraid of is a massive conspiracy to convince everyone that DEN is good.  Picklez Pick:  BAL

JAC @ TEN - TEN needs to win this game.  I really don't understand what's wrong with them.  This is really a 50/50 chance either way.  Picklez Pick:  TEN

OAK @ SD - OAK can surprise you every once in a while.  Same with SD and I don't mean this in a good way.  SD should handily defeat the Gayders.  Picklez Pick:  SD

MIN @ GB - This is the game to watch this week.  There will be copious amounts of hate.  MIN is better though.  Picklez Pick:  MIN

CAR @ ARI - I don't know what happened to CAR this year.  They are just terrible.  ARI isn't really living up to their potential.  They're doing alright, but they should be much better.  Picklez Pick:  ARI

ATL @ NO - The Monday night game is a doozy!  NO will win, but it will be one hell of a ride. Picklez Pick:  NO

Mike Ditka - "THE ONLY THING PREVENT DEFENSE DOES IS PREVENT YOU FROM WINNING."

Because I spent last weekend at a clinic!  Yes, this is the highly anticipated report for the weekend 10-23-09 until 10-25-09.

Celebratory Dinner

Friday marked Mr. and Mrs. Man's 26th wedding anniversary.  A big congratulations to them.  I couldn't even make it one quarter the way there in my marriage.  They've been married over a quarter of a century.  That's quite an accomplishment.  In addition to not killing each other, they have both raised two fine sons.  One day I hope to have a relationship as solid as theirs.

The dinner guests included the Medic, PFC, Big Red, Rita, The Masher, The Rooster, Mr. A and Mrs. A (from Talladega) and myself.  I had a ribeye steak.  It was delicious.

Disagreement

As the evening wore on, I had discussions with the Masher about proper bowing in procedures and he said that he is breaking from tradition.  In case you don't know, traditionally, the highest ranking belt bows in the class.  He begins by bowing to Kaicho, then the next ranking belt bows into the lead person, and then so on down to the 1st and 2nd degrees.  Here's how it works at a function:

Master Toy (8th deg.) - Kaicho, ni rei!

Master C (7th deg.) - Hu-kaicho T, ni rei!

Highest ranking Shihan - Hu-kaicho C, ni rei!

Highest ranking Shihan-dai (4th deg.) - [To all Shihan regardless of rank (generally 4th and above)] Shihan, ni rei!

Highest ranking Senpai (3rd deg.) - Shihan-dai, ni rei!

Highest ranking Yudansha (2nd deg. or below) - Senpai, ni rei!

Highest ranking kyu grade (1st kyu or below) - Yudansha, ni rei!

Here's how I do it in my class:

Picklez (chief instructor/4th degree) - Kaicho, ni rei!

Picklez - Hu-kaicho T; Hu-kaicho C, ni rei!

See above

Now if I have a guest instructor who is of higher rank, I allow them to bow in the class and I take my normal place as per a function.  I don't bow the class in per se.  The Masher proposes this if he were to come to my class:

Picklez - Kaicho, ni rei!

Picklez - Hu-kaicho T; Hu-kaicho C, ni rei!

Masher - Sensei Picklez, ni rei!

Next ranking belt - Shihan Masher, ni rei!

Et. al.

I completely understand his philosophy.  He feels that if he is a guest in someone's normal class, he should not take precedence over the instructor.  I disagree with that because we should follow normal traditional protocols.  The Masher was adamant that the instructor should be given the utmost respect; therefore, if he is a guest he should bow into the instructor.  At clinics and functions; however, we should follow normal protocols.

My arguement was that if he is a guest at someone's school, shouldn't he respect how the instructor wants to bow in?  Furthermore, what constitutes a "clinic"?  Does this mean it is a multi-dojo function?  What if he and a black belt from another class happen to visit my class on the same night.  Does this mean it is now a clinic?  That would be unfair to the off night students because they weren't invited.  I know we're dealing in semantics here, but the real issue here is tradition.  Bowing in is bowing in and if we start deviating from our traditions then only chaos will ensue.

Scolding

This lead to a brief discussion on how respect works.  As part of my arguement for tradition, I explained that when I'm bowing in, sometimes I am merely respecting the rank and not the person holding the rank.  Jerkwad, FuckFace, and Queen Bee all outrank me, but I don't have a shred of respect for them.  I respect their rank and what they had to "do" to "earn" it, but I don't respect them as people because they don't respect me.

The Masher got upset and told me that I should respect them.  My response was that I won't ever respect them until they do something worthy of my respect.  After all, they are not examples that should be followed.  If I followed their examples, I would walk around like an arrogant prick, have poor technique, not teach a successful class, not help with necessary yet menial tasks, show up late, and be disrespectful to everyone I deem unworthy.  By the way, I don't respect these people, but I don't go out of my way to disrespect them.  I smile and bow and swallow all their bullshit and suffer all their abuse.

The clinic

Overall, I think things went pretty well.  It was fun to have the Masher lead the clinic and I just did katas.  I felt like I was back in the old J'ville dojo hammering out my forms.

Bury my ears at Squeaky Shoe

There was a battle raging throughout the entire clinic.  The Diva had brought her granddaughter and the baby was clad in noise making footwear.  In the sole of each shoe there was a soul sucking device that emitted a loud "squeak" everytime the wearer took a step.  At first it was a curiosity (squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak) as you tried to determine the source of the noise.  Once you figured out what was happening (squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak), it became a slight annoyance.  As (squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak) time wore on (squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak), you found that (squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak) you were having trouble concentrating on the task (squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak) at hand.  Until SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK you began to question your very SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK sanity!SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK!SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK

SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK!

SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK!  SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK!

SQUEAKSQUEAK! (sweet silence for about 5 seconds)

SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK!

Arrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

The only humor I could get out of the situation was by looking at other people's reactions.  I turned to PFC and he squinched up his face in pain at the sound.  The Medic looked calmer and said, "Wait until Big Red gets here!"

When Big Red finally arrived I watched him when he heard the first few squeaks.  He had a puzzled expression on his face as he peered in my direction.  I simply shrugged my shoulders as if I didn't know what was happening.  A few seconds later the squeaky shoe clad child toddled past him.  He glanced at me again and his eyes glared in consternation.  His fists clenched tightly and he shook his head angrily.  Inside, I was bursting with peals of laughter.

Popping and locking

I was asked to give my "Breaking Omnibus" to the group because we would be breaking boards that day.  I delivered the lesson as efficiently and as eloquently as I could.  At the end of the clinic, Sensei Tor made all the under 50 black belts do an improv speed break.  Basically, 4 other black belts held up boards and you had to quickly shatter them without any preparation.

When my turn arrived, I asked, "This is a simulation of 4 attackers, right?  So I should just do what I would normally do in that situation?"  Mr. Tor answered in the affirmative.  When the command was given and the boards were raised, I ran out of the gym.  Everyone had a good laugh, but I was told that I had to actually break the boards.  I didn't do too well.  I know I did the two finger hold punch and the Shoryuken (rising dragon punch).  It was awesome and amusing... to me anyway.

Back at the ranch

I'd be lying if I said I didn't get drunk.  I know I had some Jaegerbombs (Jaegermeister and Red Bull - not the blood of the famed test pilot and congressman Chuck Yeager as I had hoped).  I also consumed several beers, a few Carbombs, and a shot of Crown Especial.

Drunk Talk

I have a new social dynamic formula:  Alcohol + Big Red + Masher = Huge Debate over Y* Karate.  Before I begin, I want to say that Big Red is the most passionate person I know when it comes to the future of our style.  He wears his emotions on his sleeve and I applaud his courage.

These talks between Big Red and the Masher always result in the same questions.  1)  Why does the organization continue to promote people who seemingly do little to contribute to the growth of the style?  2)  Why does the organization fail to recognize or reward exemplary behavior?  I've noticed that the Masher's message is always the same:  Why does Big Red allow himself to get upset over these issues?

Both of them really want the same thing.  They want to see Y* succeed.  The difference between them is that the Masher accepts his role in the structure (even though it is failing) while Big Red (and myself) seek to change the structure to make it more efficient and better equipped to perpetuate for the years to come.

It's a generational thing.  He is reaping the benefits of his long career.  He is given respect, rank, and title in the here an now.  Unfortunately, for those of us in the younger age bracket, we see the current structure and we realize that we will never be able to obtain these things for ourselves.  Not because of a poor work ethic, but because our current structure doesn't promote growth.

It's a lot like the state of Social Security in our country.  There are people drawing SS right now.  Those folks aren't the ones currently contributing capital to the system.  They are merely reaping the benefits and many of them paid in the past so they are just cashing in and rightly so.  Our current generation is pouring money into the system as well, but we are being told that there won't be anything for us when we are eligible to participate in the program.  So you end up having apathy on the side of the older generation and despair on the side of the younger generation.

Simply put, the Masher doesn't care about improving the current structure in hopes of providing for the future because he is getting the benefits now.  His standard response to us is to not worry about such things.  Again, what he doesn't see is that in the future there won't be a GM to promote us to the rank he will be receiving.  Our careers are pretty much ended before they started.

One of the things that made me uncomfortable was that Big Red was using me as an example of the failing system.  I couldn't support his arguments without looking like an egotistical prick so I had to keep quiet.  Well, since this is my blog, I'm going to say something here. 

Big Red feels that I should have been promoted to Shihan to prove a point that hard work will be rewarded.  There are current Shihans that are not contributing as much as they should who did not get their Shihan "on time".  We both feel that this could have sent a message to those Shihans that they are screw ups.

What I've come to realize, however, is that those particular Shihans wouldn't ever get the message.  All they would see is that someone got something before they were supposed to instead of understanding that the person got rewarded because they worked hard.  They will only see the end result rather the motivations behind it.  They're just dumb asses.

Another realization that I've made is that the Masher is pretty much just yanking Big Red's chain all the time.  He knows things are screwed up, but he is still benefiting so why upset the apple cart.  Furthermore, he is having a really fun time debating with Big Red and watching his reactions.

One of the things that bothered me about the discussion was the Masher's flippant attitude toward me and my career in Y*.  Basically, he sort of said that I don't deserve a promotion and that I'm really not anything special.  A few years ago, I would have shrugged that off and would probably agreed with him.  But that was before I started taking grief from a bunch of idiots.  I do enjoy working hard for the organization but it only takes one dumb ass to make me want to quit all together.

C. Man funnies

As the night wore on, Big Red got drunker and drunker.  Eventually, he said that we bow too much.  C's response was, "Yeah, I know what you mean.  That's part of the reason I don't like going to church.  They have all that praying!"  We all laughed and he went on to explain that they do a prayer at the beginning, do a prayer after a scripture reading, do a prayer after a hymn, do a prayer after the sermon, and do a prayer before dismissal.  Why not just do one prayer to cover all those things?

The other funny occurred when Big Red went to wake up Rita.  He was sloppy drunk so he was pretty much hollering in her ear.  She finally stood up and she was a little pissed off.  Big Red suggested that she take her frustrations out by kicking C in the nuts.  C said very calmly, "Rita, you need to think about that before you do it."

I also learned that C is going to be a "douchebag" for Halloween.  He's grown a soul patch and is going to spike his hair and wear a pink polo shirt with the collar popped.  He called Big Red and asked to borrow his plaid shorts to complete the outfit.  Funny!

.22 Rifle Sniper Challenge

We spent Sunday afternoon washing the various Ranch vehicles.  The Medic came over to rotate his tires and before I left, he, PFC, and I shot some targets.  We used various shooting positions and even had timed events.  It was a lot of fun.  The Medic turned out to be the best marksman.  PFC was a close second and I brought up the rear.  I used to be really good with a .22 in my college days.  Today, not so much.  I do think that they need to adjust the sites on the bolt action .22 we were using.

END OF LINE  

Current Standings

Picklez  62  (Tied for 4th place, 3 points behind the leader)

BabySteps  53 (8th place)

LG  59 (6th place)

Hangtime  52 (dead last)

Tiny Tanks 63 (Tied for 2nd)

You know, Hangtime missed an entire week of picks and he's only one point behind Babysteps.

Week Seven Picks

There were 4 upsets last week.  Four!  What the hell?!  That's football I guess.  My new philosophy is to pick who is more likely to lose rather than who I think is going to win.  If I had done that, I would have picked the WAS/KC game correctly.  I've got 3 upsets this week.

GB @ CLE - It's official.  Cleveland sucks.  I normally wait until the middle of the season to make such spectacular claims, but I think it's safe for me to let everyone know.  It's sad, but true.  There's always next year...  Picklez Pick:  GB

SD @ KC - Conventional wisdom sez:  "Teams that lose on Monday night typically lose again the next Sunday."  Common sense says, "Kansas Shitty sucks!"  Now I know they beat WAS, but WAS lost to DET.  (I think there is a new league rule stating that no team shall go completely defeated ever again.)  Honestly, SD should have won that game Monday night.  They lost because their Special Teams gave up 14 points.  When I say, "Special" I mean it.  I'm talking "short bus" special.  Picklez Pick:  SD

IND @ STL - The new league rule does not apply to Suck Louis and it certainly shouldn't apply to PeyPey and the Colts.  Fresh off the bye week, they have no excuses if they lose to STL (except the new league rule).   Picklez Pick:  IND

MIN @ PIT - This is a noodle scratcher. PIT has been sort of inconsistent and their defense isn't as explosive without Palomalu.  Here are my questions:  Will the MIN O-line be able to protect Brett Favre and open up running lanes for Peterson?  If no, will Brett be able to weather a storm of sacks from Harrison?  Picklez Pick:  PIT

NE @ TB - I'm imagining the speech Billicheck gave in the locker room at half-time last week against TEN.  "Fear does not exist in this stadium does it?  Defeat does not exist in this stadium does it?  Pain does not exist in this stadium does it?  Mercy is for the weak.  We do not train to be merciful.  If a man confronts you on the field, then he is the enemy, and the enemy deserves no mercy!"  59-0.  Sweet Fancy Moses!  So anyway, Tampa Gay is a much crappier team so...   Picklez Pick:  NE

SF @ HOU - Upset #1.  SF has had a week off and hopefully they have recovered mentally from the thrashing that ATL delivered to them.  Also, I hope the SF secondary has learned not to showboat while the play is still in progress.  Screwston will probably do it's normal thing... Picklez Pick:  SF

NYJ @ OAK - INTs!  Jets!  Jets!  Jets!  Great Googly Moogly!  Five interceptions!  Five!  And one of them was in OT!  Also, I don't know how the Gaiders were able to beat PHI.  Anyway, if Dirty Sanchez wants redemption, he better get it here.  You can't lose to Suckalo and Suckland back to back and hope to make the playoffs.  Picklez Pick:  NYJ

BUF @ CAR - I don't have to think too hard for this one.  Picklez Pick:  CAR

CHI @ CIN - Upset#2.  I really think that CHI could have beaten ATL.  Pork Cutlet was up to his old tricks again with turnovers in the red zone.  It all comes down to this:  CIN offense cannot stand up to the CHI defense.  Picklez Pick:  CHI

ATL @ DAL - Upset #3.  I know DAL is coming off their bye week to a home game, but ATL has put a road victory and a home victory under it's belt since then.  I'm not sure that Homo can perform under the pressure that the ATL defense can deliver.  Picklez Pick:  ATL

NO @ MIA - NO is an unstoppable machine right now.  MIA will be like a seaborn mammal out of water.  Picklez Pick:  NO

ARI @ NYG - ARI beat the Suckhawks.  No big deal.  The Giants lost to NO (a much tougher team than ARI and SEA combined).  Picklez Pick:  NYG

PHI @ WAS - What a crapfest!  No, seriously.  It's like a festival honoring Stirquilius, Roman god of Feces!  Picklez Pick:  PHI 

Watching the ATL/CHI game with BabySteps as Jake Cutler throws his first interception.  BabySteps:  "I KNEW HE'D COUGH IT UP.  THAT'S THE JAKE CUTLER I'VE COME TO KNOW AND LOVE!"

I want to get this out there before all the late night shows steal my joke.

Click on this.

Basically, the Governator signed a law stating that is illegal to use cell phones while driving unless you have a hands free device.  In other words, no holding the phone while driving.  The California First Lady was photographed doing just that recently.  Arnold said on Twitter:  "Thanks for brining her violations to my attention.  There's going to be swift action."

Here's the conversation:

Arnold:  Maria, you need to stop holding your cell phone while you're driving.

Maria:  I'm not doing that.  It's just a rumor.

Arnold: [produces photographs]  It's not a RUMOR!

Hahahahahahahaha!  I'm good enough to write for Leno.

THAT IS ALL

Current Standings

Picklez  53  (5th place, 2 points behind the leader)

BabySteps  47 (8th place)

LG  51 (6th place)

Hangtime  44 (dead last)

Tiny Tanks 54 (Tied for 2nd)

LG was this week's point leader with 10.  I went with all favorites except in one game this week.

Week Six Picks

I only have one upset pick for this week and it was a pretty tough pick.

HOU @ CIN - I'm just not understanding how Cincinasty keeps winning games...  What annoyed me last week was a highlight on one of the networks that called CIN the Cardiac Cats.  That's the Browns' nickname (Cardiac Kids or Kardiac Kidz for you urban dwellers).  Screwston might do their normal job and hurt me, but emotionally, I'll accept an Ouchostinko loss.  Picklez Pick:  CIN

DET @ GB - Even GB should be able to beat Detroit Suck City.  Picklez Pick:  GB

BAL @ MIN - BAL has been playing well, but MIN has been playing better.  Also, the Favreings are at home.  Picklez Pick:  MIN

NYG @ NO - This is definitely a preview game for the playoffs.  Possibly the NFC championship.  Both teams are looking good, but NO has a more explosive offense and homefield advantage.  Picklez Pick:  NO

CLE @ PIT - A win against Suckalo will not be enough to inspire the BROWNS to a victory over the reigning SuperBowl Champs.  Picklez Pick:  PIT

CAR @ TB - Flying high off their win against WAS, they should be able to put the hurt on Tampa Gay.  Picklez Pick:  CAR

KC @ WAS - It's the battle of the racist mascots!  I'll change their names temporarily to the WAS Rednecks and the KC - Land Grabbers.  Both teams are sort of sucky, but only one team is Kansas Shitty.  Picklez Pick:  WAS

STL @ JAC - This should really be a no brainer, but this could be the game where STL actually wins.  If the same JAC team that got decimated/destroyed/dominated by SEA, hits the field, then STL has a 51% chance of beating them.  Picklez Pick:  STL

PHI @ OAK - Apparently, McNabb's McRib isn't hindering him.  They should be able to beat the Gayders.  Picklez Pick:  PHI

ARI @ SEA - Yes, the return of Hasselbeck allowed them to decimate/destroy/dominate Jackassville, but ARI is a much better team.  It will be close, but it will be my lone upset.  Picklez Pick:  ARI

TEN @ NE - Neither team is that great, but NE is better. Picklez Pick:  NE

BUF @ NYJ - Defeated in the final seconds, the NYJ simply CANNOT allow Suckalo to defeat them in their home stadium.  I don't care what the stats show about teams that take a Monday night loss.  Picklez Pick:  NYJ

CHI @ ATL - ATL played mercilessly against SF.  Can they do it again at home?  I don't have much faith in Pork Cutlet over Matt "Hunt for Red October" Ryan.  Picklez Pick:  ATL

DEN @ SD - Luck can only take you so far.  DEN has been extremely lucky which is only one letter off from sucky.  SD should be able to hand them their first defeat (but then again so should have CIN, NE, and DAL).  It's like LG says:  DEN just isn't that good.

From a Twitter feed:  "I WANTED TO SEE DETROIT WIN.  I'VE BEEN THERE.  IT'S LIKE GOD TOOK A SHIT ON A PARKING LOT.  THEY DESERVE SOME GOOD NEWS."

I found this video amusing.

Everyone knows that dating in general is somewhat dangerous, but it is an accepted practice because that is the only way to meet people and find potential mates.  Interweb dating adds an even greater potential for danger because it is so easy to be dishonest when sitting behind a monitor and typing on a keyboard.  There are ways to discern the honest from the dishonest, but they are unreliable at best. 

My point being is that you can take precautions like meeting at a public place and having friends with you or nearby without the intended date knowing about it.  A simple pre-arranged signal or a pre-planned discreet meeting in the bathroom can let the undercover chaperones know how things are going.  The girl in this video did none of those things.

Why the video is funny to me?

First, it seems to have been recorded by the girl's brother and it seems genuine.

Second, the girl was OK and hadn't been harmed in anyway.

Third, the girl's insistence that she is 18 years old and capable of taking care of herself (despite the fact that she lives at home).

Fourth, the brother's continued use of the words "in the butt".

Fifth, the mom's reaction to the brother.

END OF LINE 

Check out this article.  For those of you too lazy to read let me summarize:  Basically, there is a species of birds in which "higher" quality females will mate with "lower" quality males.  Translation for Picklez:  Jackpot!!!

Actually, if you read the article carefully, you'll find that there were mismatches in mating and it can be inferred that the higher quality females that mated with the lower quality males did so as an act of desperation rather than not mate at all.  Once again, Jackpot!!!

In all seriousness, this study shouldn't be so groundbreaking.  The difference between birds and humans is that humans are self-aware and can attribute their own sense of value and self-worth.  This in turn affects how they are treated by other people and how they allow themselves to be treated by others.  That being said, primates are the only species of animal that engages in coitus for social reasons outside of procreation.

This all goes back to my old college dating motto:  "Keep your hopes high and your standards low!"  If I could just get some hot females to adhere to this policy and then get them in a situation where they are forced to interact with me, then I might actually improve my personal situation and my general disposition on life.

END OF LINE