#270 - Thanksgiving Day Extravaganza*

*Your Mileage May Vary, Not actually on Thanksgiving

Hey there readers of this blog!  It's been a while since I rapped at ya, and boy do I got some news for you.  I'm not going to go day by day like I normally do.  I'll just give you the highlights because well, it's been a few days and I don't really remember.

Blowout

On my way to Mom's my two passengerside tires blew out.  There was a bang like I hit a bump and then I felt the car tilting to the right.  I found a suitable place to park and then called my insurance company.  After jumping the ditch, I added roadside assistance to my insurance.  I was pissed.  At any rate, the guy towed me to the Kauffman Tires which was naught but 3/4 of a mile away.  PopPop came to pick me up from there.

The next day I got a call from the tire place and he told me that I would actually have to replace 3 tires.  Grand total after adjusting the alignment:  $568.72.  Daaaayyyyummmm.  The 3 tires was $461.00.  Frak!

The reason why it was so much was because the 2008 Honda Fit Sport comes with special rims that require a special tire.  I have this reoccurring problem with Honda.  Everytime I buy a vehicle from them, it's special and needs special stuff.  My motorcycle, for example, was a special edition that was put out in 2005.  There's nothing wrong with that per se except that if I want to mod anything, I need a special kit.  Also, the tires aren't the normal Shadow sized tires.  They're special.  By the way, "special" = expensive.  I thought with a car I wouldn't have these issues, but apparently they fixed the "special" tire size problem on all the 2009 models.  Frak!

K-saurus Rex 2:  With a Vengeance

I spent a lot of time with my nieces K and M.  On Friday night, K went into full K-Rex mode.  She wanted her mommy.  I called her mommy.  Mommy said she would call back later to see if K still wanted to come home.  K-Rex was replaced instantly with normal K.  Mommy called back and K said she wanted to stay at Pinky and PopPop's.

K went to bed at about 21:00.  I went back downstairs and watched Tropic Thunder with PopPop.  I climbed into bed at about 0:00 and fell asleep at about 00:30.  At 01:35, I heard a piercing shriek and then the door to my room opened.  A tiny silouetted figure shambled up to my bed and commenced even louder shrieking.  Tiny hands reached up towards me and gripped me firmly simultaneously providing an anchor upon which to pull itself up onto the bed and pin me down.  My first instinct was that it was one of the mysterious "Greys" that are often described in UFO abduction tales.  My fists clenched in readiness to fight off the dreaded anal probe.  The voice shrieked again but this time I made out the words, "I want my mommy!"  K-Rex was in effect, as most hip dash hop artists would say.

Pinky quickly came into the room after hearing the hysterics.  K-Rex got more hysterical.  I eventually got her to calm down and was trying to convince her that staying here was the best thing to do.  She would start yelling again and then I told her that "I don't negotiate with terrorists."  She responded by telling me to stop "kidding around."  Eventually, PopPop came in for the hot tag and put her back to bed.

Hypothesis

The next morning I came downstairs at about 10:30 and K was acting as if none of the events from the wee hours of the morning had ever happened.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

PopPop eventually came down and we talked quietly about the previous evening.  I shared with him my hypothesis that I think that K is "Batshiat Crazy".  Don't misunderstand me.  I love K.  She is my blood, but I just think she's batshiat crazy.  I'm serious.  She's showing all the signs.  For example, the whole "I want my mommy" schtick.  I have seen her literally sitting in her mother's lap saying, "I want my mommy!"  and when her mother says, "I'm right here," she yells, "I want my mommy!" even louder.  Crazy...Batshiat crazy.  Maybe she'll grow out of it and I hope she does, but if she doesn't I know that I'll be having this conversation with a potential suitor one day.

Young man (full of hope for the future):  So you're K's uncle?  Nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you.

Me:  Nice to meet you, too.

Young man:  I'm sure you've heard the news...?

Me:  Yes, I have.  Congratulations by the way.  But there's something we need to discuss...

Young man (expecting speech on marriage and a veiled threat about hurting K):  What's that, sir?

Me:  I've known K all my life, and she's very special to me and to everyone in her family.  You understand that right?

Young man:  Yes, sir.

Me:  I'm not one for overly long speeches so I'll get straight to the point.

Young man:  Take your time, sir.

Me:  I've just got one question for you.  Are you ready?

Young man:  Yes, sir.

Me:  You know she's batshiat crazy, right?

Young man:  What's that?

Me:  C'mon.  You've got to have seen the signs.  I know that she's drop dead gorgeous, but I also know that she's batshiat crazy.  Seriously?  You haven't noticed?  I'm not going to steer you away from doing what you want to do and this isn't a test of your character.  I'm asking you straight up:  Did you know she is batshiat crazy?

If the man answered "Yes" I'd tell him "God speed."  If he looked at me all bewildered, I would recount all the episodes of batshiat craziness I've seen over the years.  If he then decided to stay, I would praise his resolve.  If he then changed his mind, I would console him and tell him that there wouldn't be any hard feelings.

Bowling Pro

Not for real but on the Wii.  My brother brought over his Wii and I played well enough to get to "Pro" level on the bowling.  To get to "Pro" you have to have a skill level of 1000 points or more.  I'm not exactly sure how they calculate it.  It has to do with your final bowling scores, but it also has to do with your consistency.  You can actually lose your pro status.  That happened to M.  She was at the 1028 mark and then she was kind of screwing around during one game and she lost 50 skill points with put her at 978.  In one game I bowled 8 strikes in a row.  That took me from just over the pro mark to solidly in the pro status with 1208 points.  Nice.

M and K are pretty good at Wii bowling.  Because they're kids, they are overly emotional when they do badly.  This causes them to do worse.  The most amazing thing I saw was K lined up her shot, walked away from the TV, went to the hallway, and bowled a strike.  To prove that it wasn't a fluke, she did it a second time.  That was pretty impressive.

Hospital Visitation gone Wild

Overboard was hospitalized due to a recent medical issue.  You can read about it on her blog.  I went to visit her on Saturday night.  It was a pretty nice hospital and the service there was good too.  I actually had a fun time talking with Hangtime and Overboard.  You really wouldn't have thought we were in the hospital.  I took a Cosmo quiz and apparently I play way too hard to get.  Oh, well.  A girl's got to have her standards, right?

At one point in the evening, Overboard was experiencing some pain, but she didn't want to call the nurse.  Both Hangtime and I argued that she should call.  My arguement was that if I was in the hospital, I would be requesting the bedpan because I want the full experience.  If I'm going to pay $99 for an aspirin, then someone's gonna have to wipe my ass.  Hell, I might even have them trim up my pubes. 

At 22:00, the night nurse came by and kicked both Hangtime and myself out of the ward.  Hangtime was a little bewildered because he had spent the night there previously.  I asked him if he wanted to get a beer.  He agreed and we went to a tavern right around the corner.  I had already eaten at the hospital (which was pretty damn good and only cost me $5) but I decided to eat again to help counteract some of the alcohol in my system for the drive home.

We were conversing about different things and then we decided to call Sweet Tooth.  We ended up meeting him at a bar that had live music.  After what seemed like forever, Sweet Tooth arrived.  We drank a little bit and then left to go to Waffle House.  I ate yet again.  It was 03:00 before I got home.  All in all it was a pretty interesting evening.

Lazy Sunday

I woke up at about 12:34 the next day.  I spent the rest of the day playing a PS2 game called Godhand.  It's a quirky little brawler, but it's a lot of fun.  I watched Braveheart and then I went to bed.  I'm happy to say that I got absolutely nothing accomplished.

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